
Thoughts on giving, values, life lessons and making magic, inspired by a book called Find Love
“I’m going to give, and you never know what might come of it.” A line from relationship expert Paul Carrick Brunson’s new book, Find Love, on navigating modern love and finding the right partner.
AND a blueprint for life.
When I read a line like that, I know I’m hearing from a kindred spirit and I’m inspired. Imagine if we used this as a guiding principle in ALL we do, the difference it would make.
A quick detour.
Do you ever stop and think how everything we do, every place we go, every word we say or even every thought creates a tiny ripple that extends out into the world? How every small action creates a new sequence of events? I do.
When you realise this, every interaction becomes a chance to make magic. And when you find others who seem to understand this, it’s exciting. Powerful.
One little piece of magic was created last year when I received an unexpected invitation from a friend to a birthday celebration in Ghana and I said yes. New magic-making friends were made during that adventure and through one of them came an introduction to Paul.
Back to the book.
Find Love covers a topic close to my heart (ha!) – relationships – in a way that really resonates and applies universally. It’s smart, well-researched and goes deep.
It shows us how to understand our origin stories and traumas because they impact how we relate. It talks about ensuring you’re happy and fulfilled in life, using Carol Ryff’s six dimensions of wellbeing (autonomy, environmental mastery, personal growth, positive relations with others, purpose in life and self-acceptance) as a measure.
Why? Because when you’re happy and fulfilled you attract other happy and fulfilled people.
Yes! to attracting a happy and fulfilled partner. AND while we’re at it we get better relationships at with colleagues and friends. And we attract new opportunities too.
We all need this.
The book also reminds us to take the time to work out what our values are, to identify our goals and to build communities around us that are aligned with them and help us grow. And it explains (referencing Mark Granovetter’s decades old paper on the strength of weak ties) how nurturing our networks increases our chances of meeting new people and help us become better at the things we love.
I’m here for this too.
One of my core values is connection (belonging) and I love to bring kindred spirits together. I‘m also socially awkward and can’t do small talk. Comms for Good is my solution to this.
Often our values hold the key to our greatest struggles. Living by them helps us heal and grow.
Another of mine is generosity. Through giving I learn to receive, and seeing others lead by example is the best kind of lesson.
The book launch event in Clapham on Monday was a masterclass in giving and receiving, from the story of how a LinkedIn comment led Reuben Christian to open the show, to taking the opportunity to ask for support for a sick friend. Even my invitation was a gift.
I’m ALWAYS talking about the parallels between the challenges and lessons in dating and how they apply to our work and social lives too. Improve one area and we improve the other. Well, here’s that message again – with science and soul.
Find Love shows us how and why we need to live our best lives:
“It’s like a tide – it lifts up everything else, including your romantic life.”
















The exhibition is by royal photographer,